So I'm Getting a Gun

It's true.

I am.

I should. 

I want to. 

Kinda. 

The biggest hurdle that I find myself facing is a terrible fear that I am going to end up accidently shooting myself. Which would be understandably terrible. However, I do not lose sleep1 over the notion that I may accidentally shoot myself one day, whereas I do lose sleep over this. There was another site I wanted to link to that I saw sometime around New Years, but I can't find it, and the gist is in this one, too. 

Like the article says, the last supervolcano erupted 75,000 years ago, so scientists really have no idea what to look for. But they can speculate, and what they have surmised is 4 things will happen. I can't remember the last one so I won't bother listing them, but one thing they speculated was increased geyser activity, which there has been, and they also predicted an increase in the number of earthquakes in the area. Yesterday there were 8 earthquakes in the Yellowstone region. Now I'm no seismologist, but since I've never experienced even one earthquake, I must assume that 8 is a lot2. Eruption is obviously imminent. Now I don't know, maybe it will be today, maybe it will be tomorrow, but what I do know, is that once it happens there will only be two classes of people: a) those who own guns and b)slaves.

This is definite. Watch any post-apocalyptic movie. The Road Warrior for example, or the same film with opposite premise, Waterworld3. I'd like to point out that every movie I own must contain at least one of the following- a) a bleak landscape in which all metal has been reduced to jagged sunders covered in barbed wire for some reason, b) Robert Redford- so I feel like you can trust me on this one. 

Now I don't know if I'll survive the initial blast. That is a tall order in itself. But I damn sure don't want to live through the apocalypse, only to spend the rest of my days at the painful end of a bullwhip, pushing a grocery cart full of canned goods towards nowhere in particular, while my captors -the toothless, gun-toting, West Virginian's that they are- cackle amongst themselves and lethargically smack salt-water taffy, keeping their eyes peeled for things to forcibly have sex with. 

I know what you're thinking. It could be 10,000 years just as easily as it could be one year before that volcano erupts. You're crazy. 

Am I? Well we'll see who the crazy one is, when I'm comfortably eating Funyuns in my gun-protected apartment, and you are frantically running from pawn shop to pawn shop, only to find that everyone is long since sold out. 

1. Which has become a precious commodity as of late.

2. I'm aware that most of them are underground and I probably have experienced one of these, but that is not important as to why I need a gun. 

3. If you prefer a slightly more intellectual approach, and you nerdishly prefer books to movies, read The Road for the same results.