The Burger King issues an edict

So I saw this today.

I also went to a career networking seminar.

As is the case with all career networking seminars, there was a preponderance of "don't burn any bridges" talk. Now I guess you can never be certain, but if I can be frank, I don't see any need to maintain connection with the homeopathic shaman kid on my high school hockey team, whose mother cryptically sent me a graduation announcement for a person I've never heard of, at a school I've never been to, four years after he graduated.1 Unless of course I decide to pursue a career in blood drinking and human sacrifice. Or fucking witchcraft. With that in mind, I could probably pair off a few of the less notables.

That being said. To find out that I was no longer someone's friend on facebook2, because somebody wanted a hamburger, a whopper3 no less, would definitively and conclusively end any relationship that might have just been sitting idly by the wayside.

Being a person who burns bridges with pathetic regularity, I'm thinking the best course of action is to just delete all my facebook friends in favor of a years supply of whoppers4. I'm sure most people wouldn't notice, and for those that do, and are legitimately offended, I'll give you a sandwich.

1. I cannot overstate the creepiness of this. Words really cannot describe the feeling associated with opening the package from a woman I haven't spoken with in years, who I barely spoke to before anyway, and finding a framed picture of some random dude in it.

2. I can't believe this is important enough to care about.

3. Easily the weakest hamburger offering at any fast food chain, but it is forgiven, because the original chicken sandwich is the ballinest sandwich available in under 30 seconds.

4. Interesting Personal Fact: I once won a years supply of Big Macs