Cha-Ching

So there is a huge benefit to being perceived by relatives as "generally unknown, but appears to show an interest in technology." By this I mean, every single Christmas/birthday/gift-giving occasion, I have received a Best Buy gift card in the value of $50 from each respective relative unit. I don't usually have much use for them. I enjoy video games, which typically fall in the general area of $50, but I don't usually feel the need to buy any particular one. DVD's, same thing, even more so. You buy DVD's for other people, so you can put them on display, and people will be like "Oh fuck, you like Wedding Crashers, too? I thought I was the only one!" With movie channels, and the internet, there are rarely occasions when I decide to settle in to yet another viewing of one of my three hour apocalypse epics unless I need to fall asleep quickly, or I'm drunk. So for the past 5 years or so, I've just been accumulating these Best Buy cards, always with the intent of spending them, but never getting around to doing it.1 Needless to say, the total stack is close to half an inch, which fits snug in the card pocket of my wallet, but my natural proclivities to sitting have made them quite literally a huge pain in the ass. 

So tonight I decided to spend them. Which I did--from the comfort of my own couch no less. I'm glad I never considered spending them online before, because I certainly would never have accumulated as much credit as I have. And what did I buy? 

A fucking computer.

I bet some of you are saying, "why do you need another computer?" I think the obvious answer is, duh. 

So, thank you relatives. A computer over four years is way cooler than a smorgasbord of gift cards to places like Boot Town, Starbucks, or the red-headed step-child of gift card accepters, Blockbuster.2 I needn't mention gift cards to places like McDonalds, or Chik-fil-a, because you have to be retarded3 to buy those. I don't know what occasion4 is appropriate to spread the joy of eating a Big N' Tasty, but it seems more like punishment. 

1. It is important to note that Best Buys are always somewhere off the highway, most likely in the extreme suburbs, and I hate driving out to that shit for the same damn Best Buy experience.

2. There is no worse place to get someone a gift card from than Blockbuster. They have nothing for purchase except shitty movies they couldn't pay people to rent, candy that is much cheaper at a grocery store, and fucking weird posters made out of metal. At best it would be used to pay fines, which is such a demoralizing use of a gift, and I bet they don't even allow it.

3. This blog shows the retarded no mercy.

4. Every scenario that I can think of is in some way insulting. I think you would have to know nothing about the recipient of the card, because even knowing that they are literate gives more credence to a Barnes and Noble gift card over the fast food card. Maybe they really like McDonalds, but really who in good conscience can fuel that habit--despite the tangyness of their mayonnaise, and the dankness of the McChicken.